Mario the Dragon Rider
by Guro of Flowers
Summary: This is just a short one-shot parody, for fun!


Disclaimer: We don't own Mario, Peach, Eragon, portkeys, or any other characters in this story.

Note: This is just a random writing exercise that is **not meant to be taken seriously**.

Guro and I went back and forth writing one line at a time. Have fun!

* * *

Hello, my name is Mario.

I am a dragon rider.

Not only that, but I'm also a plumber.

I'm going to tell you the story of when I saved my wife Peach.

I am pretty short, so you might think it would be hard to get onto my dragon.

I'm Italian, though.

So naturally I can jump really high as long as I yell "Mamma Mia!" as loud as I can.

Some people find this kind of annoying.

Others find it endearing.

There's this really cranky guy named Bowser.

He _really _hates it when I yell _Mamma Mia_!

He hates it so much that he breathes fire every time I say it.

Yes, he gets _that _angry.

And then he tries to steal my girlfriend!

I mean Jeesh!

That's just over reacting!

Honestly, I think he'd be better off trying to control his temper.

Then he might have a girlfriend of his own, and he wouldn't have to steal mine.

In fact, I'm fairly sure Toadette has a thing for him.

Just don't tell Toad I said that!

Now, back to the story.

Where was I? Oh I hadn't started yet, that's right.

Okay so I'm going to tell you about the time when I saved my wife Peach...

It was the thirty second of May, 1996...

Luigi, my younger and taller brother, came to my house one day.

For some reason he had decided to bring in my mail.

It was lucky for me that he did.

Otherwise, I would have been too late to make it to the party on time.

It just so happens that in the mail was a letter from Peach reading:

"Dear Mario: I'm throwing a party at my castle.

I would be honored if you and Luigi would attend."

Of course I jumped at the chance to see my yummy little Peach (no pun intended).

So we ran right off to her castle!

We were greeted by a bunch of toads when we arrived.

I admit that, sadly, I cannot remember any of their names.

No matter! I hurried off to find Peach's room.

And I am ashamed to admit it, but I must:

As I was running up those ridiculous stair cases—

I swear there are at least 100 of them—

they turned into a slide and I slid right into a trap door!

First of all, Peach _really_ needs to hire new household servants.

No one ever noticed that there was a freaking _trap door_ in her castle!

Anyhow, I looked around for a mushroom that I could eat to regain health.

Don't look at me like I'm a wimp!

Falling down a trap door takes a lot out of you.

So I finally found this one that was bright red, but I thought nothing of it.

I'm a man!

And I may not be able to crush people with apples…

But I can most certainly handle a spicy mushroom.

I mean red means spicy, right?

Yeah that's what I thought.

Well it turns out that red mushrooms without white dots are really:

Dun, dun, dun…

A sign of Bowser!

Great.

Fortunately for me, Bowser doesn't think things through very well.

The mushroom did teleport me into a dungeon when I ate it…

But I still regained all of my health.

The dungeon was pretty cool if I do say so myself.

It was like a firehouse!

It had a loft, a couch, a TV, a bell, and even a dalmation!

Thinking back, it probably wasn't a dungeon at all.

The mushroom I ate must have been a portkey to Bowser's room.

The guy must have dropped on accident.

Man that guy is _thick_.

I mean who drops a portkey that transport you into your house?

Especially after he went through all the pains to get me into that trap-doored room!

Anyway, that room was where I found a shiny silver stone.

When I touched it, the thing began to crack, and then a little dragon came out.

I named him Rioco Mario Eragon the third.

Anyway, I dug through Bowser's things and found a big, juicy Ultra Mushroom.

I fed it to Rico.

That's short for Rioco Mario Eragon the third.

Upon swallowing, he grew into an adult dragon right before my eyes.

Which I thought was pretty cool.

Until he ate my hat.

I mean the nerve of him!

So then I got mad and kicked him, and he blew up!

And there, was my beautiful Peach.

Apparently he had eaten her.

Now, you may be wondering how the dragon had eaten Peach.

I mean, I watched it hatch just a few moments before.

Well, I believe that Bowser turned Peach into the Ultra Mushroom that I fed to Rico.

The real question is, "how I am a dragon rider if I killed my dragon?"

And the answer is- I have no idea.

But I still have magic, and that's all I really care about.

So Peach and I returned to her castle, and I never even had to face Bowser.

The guy never even knew I was there!

He probably went to find Peach later, and he's still confused to this day.

* * *

Done!

Review if you'd like.

Guro of Flowers


End file.
